The New Hostess and the Unspoken Hierarchy

By Andresr

“Don’t blame the host for a full dining room”

My daughter has only been in the industry for a few months as a hostess and has caught on pretty quickly, but lately she's been coming home complaining that servers are always snapping at her about their sections.

“I feel like servers hate me.” She belted out after one of her shifts.

Having been in the industry for 25 years, I immediately understood how she felt.

New hostesses usually start young and are the first to greet guests as they enter the restaurant. If they show up late or have fewer people than their reservation, they are the first to be blamed, especially by the unspoken hierarchy—servers.

Servers don’t mean to be disrespectful for the most part, and I've heard them complain without a second thought, especially when they have been triple-sat, which causes high stress and can pull them deep into the weeds.

I’ve definitely been one of them.

But for the host, they’re the ones who have to manage books, rearrange reservations, and answer the phone while a pile of guests are lining up at the door.

Furthermore, they need to report back to the kitchen how many tables are open and keep up with which course the guests are on.

They're simply doing their best under demanding circumstances.

What some servers forget is that the person taking the brunt of their frustration is usually in their early twenties, if not younger.

I myself had to learn to be more patient with the host team, especially when they keep calling when I’m working on the Mezzanine to see if a table has been bussed, and I’m walking by the phone with a tray of drinks and trying to greet a table, and noticing waters that need to be filled.

During service, stress levels can skyrocket, and it’s because most of us working in this industry care about the hospitality we give the guest.

Still, as my little mini-me expressed her concern, I explained that taking on a server’s attitude isn’t something she is required to do. The best course of action is to respond politely and professionally with confidence.

Mostly, remember the servers who are kind to you, and use them as an example of how you want to treat other staff members.

In this chaotic industry, we can all become overwhelmed and have moments of frustration; however, taking a breath and pausing can reset the tone and break the cycle of the host feeling like the servers despise them.

Good hospitality isn’t just about how we treat the guests.

It’s about how we treat each other, too.