Why I Didn't Tip My Server, and Perhaps You Shouldn't Either

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If you live in Canada, you may be experiencing tip fatigue.

Everywhere I shop, whether it’s for my vitamins or other essentials, I am being prompted to tip up to thirty percent.

I work in the tipping industry and have for over 25 years, but it’s becoming quite frustrating, especially with more taxes and fees that seem to be creeping into our bills.

The issue is that when tipping becomes automatic, especially in places that never requested tips before, some individuals begin questioning whether the service they receive still matches the expectation and the connection.

For example, I often enjoy dining alone and the pleasant exchange between myself and the staff, but recently I’ve come across some seriously shitty service.

A few weeks ago, I patiently waited for the waiter to greet me as I sat down at one of my favourite restaurants on Commercial Drive in Vancouver.

I watched him take multiple payments from the table on my left and deliver food to the ladies on my right, yet never once acknowledged me—not even a quick “I'll be right with you.”

In fact, I waited twenty minutes before I had to call him over to my table and ask him if it was okay for me to order.

I still tipped the server a flat 18%, but being in the industry myself and knowing many industry employees, I prefer to be much more generous.

Unfortunately, this wasn’t an isolated incident, and sitting on another patio a few weeks later at Ambleside, North Van, I yet again came across another experience at a well-known restaurant.

The hostess forgot to seat me.

I waited 10 minutes for a drink order from the server, who didn’t seem to be in a hurry, just gliding through her section like she didn’t give a fuck.

She skipped a quality check, which had me flagging down a manager walking by for a sauce she'd also forgotten to bring me.

And I had to wait another 10 minutes for change for a cash payment.

Sure, maybe a one-off, but I was noticing a pattern occurring.

As I sat, irritated, another manager noticed me and asked how everything was.

I shook my head in disappointment and said it wasn’t good. As I explained my experience, he kindly comped my bill.

As a result of these two experiences, the server at the Halifax airport restaurant got the brunt of it last week before my 6 am flight.

Her annoyance seethed through her body as I politely asked her for more coffee and extra hollandaise sauce.

I waited patiently as she flirted with the guy sitting at the bar, disregarding my request, until she noticed me looking over at her.

She kept talking with him, and when she finally brought me the sauce, I thanked her, but she didn’t respond.

We all know that vibe, the passive-aggressive vibe that entitled servers get when you’ve bugged them.

I had to ask myself, what am I doing to attract this kind of behaviour?

Absolutely nothing.

What servers owe guests

I am respectful and patient, especially knowing how hard industry people work, but these experiences left me thinking—have servers become too comfortable with automatic tipping?

As a server myself, I understand the frustration when a guest is overbearing, rude or even disrespectful.

Still, you can let off the steam in the back of the house, but bringing that energy to the guest is no bueno!

I’ve forgotten a guest once they were seated, or a sauce, and mistakes do happen, but it’s how you recover as a server, and owning it can be your best tool for changing the guest experience.

However, if you are ignoring guests on purpose by prejudging them or deciding to be passive-aggressive, then you don’t belong in this industry.

Hospitality is rooted in connection; you never truly know who is on the other side of the table, and that's not your responsibility. Your role is to provide outstanding service and treat every guest with respect, regardless of who they are.

Unfortunately, some entitled waitstaff have started treating gratuity as owed rather than earned.

So yes, it was my first time stiffing a server, and instead I shared her portion with my Uber driver, who picked me up from the airport and was such a gem, wanting to engage and build a connection.

In a world where people are becoming more tip-fatigued, automatic tipping for bad behaviour is not something I’m willing to stand by.

Of course, leaving a generous gratuity for hospitality professionals who truly understand the craft of exceptional service will always be something I'm happy to do.